5 Tips to Help you Become an Amazon Princess

The Wonder Woman movie is premiering in less then two weeks! Like many people, I plan on celebrating the first female solo superhero film by dressing completely in Wonder Woman themed clothing (trying to embarrass anyone that comes with me as much as possible). This movie symbolizes a lot of things for a lot of people. A feminist icon, Diana of Themyscira is empathetic, confident, diplomatic, and badass. I relate to her in many ways and during tough times I try to ask myself how the Amazonian Princess would carry herself. Through my many years of research, aka comic subscriptions, I have complied a list of essential actions to get one as close to Amazonian Royalty as possible.

Picture taken at Arlington 5 by my awesome husband.

1) Paradise Island

Come from an Island run by women heavily involved in ancient Greek mythology.

Expert: If you were not born on an island populated solely by females then just make your own!

*Please note that the author does not condone kidnapping actual women and girls for this purpose or any others. If you cannot freely create a matriarchy through consent then you need to check out the beginners tip.*

Beginner: Join women's organizations and network! Create a social circle that uplifts you, true sisterhood is not measured by island size but in the quality of those you surround yourself with.

If you do not identify as female then you can become an ally through listening and contributing to discussions (no mansplaining to those that identify as male).

2) Bloodlines

You have two acceptable options, the first is being made from clay by the Queen of the Amazons and being brought to life by the Greek Goddesses/Gods. The second is being the product of an affair between your Queen Mother and Zeus. There are no wrong answers here.

Expert: For some reason your mother did not have an affair with a product of Greek mythology, in this case you could also just be a princess that comes from a boring non-Amazonian royal family (like the English Royal Family). Or you could marry into royalty, somewhere out there is a slightly committed Prince Harry who will probably not notice your delusions of being Wonder Woman.

Beginner: So your mom did not have an affair with Zeus nor is royalty. There is still hope! Cultivate your mother daughter relationship by taking your mom out to lunch or treating her to a movie. Treating your mom,or maternal-like figure, like a queen will bring you one step closer to royal status. It will also give you the kind of loving relationship Diana and her mother Hippolyta have.

3) Costume

Before you can dispense justice you need a crime fighting outfit. Preferably your outfit will have armor forged by Hephaestus (God of Blacksmiths), include bullet deflecting bracelets, and a lasso of truth.

Expert: Go out an find a god, preferably one who knows how to forge armor. Tweet to Prokopis Pavlopoulos, the President of Greece, numerous times asking him where to find a Greek god. When he ignores your tweets buy a plane ticket to Greece to ask him yourself. Once you found the right blacksmith god for you then you can begin on your lasso of truth. Find a book of spells and try to cast a truth spell on a piece of rope. When all that fails just go and buy a costume.

Beginner: The key to Wonder Woman's outfits is not necessarily what she is wearing but her confidence to do what needs to be done in what she is wearing. Wear whatever makes you feel like a badass, the key is to feel good about yourself. You can make the world a better place wearing heels or sneakers.

4) Heroics

By this point as a princess you will need to be involved as a diplomat with the United Nations, fight threats in your home island, mediate world conflicts, and defeat super villains.

Expert: You may need to take some university courses on the international law of armed conflict so you can peacefully mediate conflicts. If you do not have a nemesis then be sure to find one at the same university you are studying at. Fool an unsuspecting archaeology student that it would be in their best interest to find artifacts that would turn them into some kind of animal, but a cool animal. Eventually they will find out that being a woman cheetah hybrid is not as fun as it seems and will blame you. When that happens, congratulations you have a nemesis!

Beginner: You can make the world a better place by keeping informed. Wonder Woman is known for her compassion and empathy, make sure to utilize these traits every day. You can attend rallies, volunteer with charities, sign petitions as big ways to promote change. However, you can also be a hero by doing small, nice gestures that make others feel good. A little kindness goes a long way.

5) Fighting

You should train under the god of war himself for at least a quarter of your life. Grow up in a society of highly trained women warriors.

Expert: Enroll yourself in every type of martial arts/self defense class out there. You should also be fencing regularly and should be in the gym at least 5 times a week for 3 hours on top of that.

Beginner: The guide to being more physically fit is small steps, start by finding an activity you enjoy and incorporating that into your life for bits of time each week. It is also helpful to take at least one self-defense class because every person should know how to physically defend themselves.

If you haven't become an Amazon Princess by this point then you need to go watch the new Wonder Woman movie and get inspired. Then go back to Step one and try all over again. Keep on being Wonder-ful!

Bones knows what's up

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