Geek Girl Survival Guide: The Quizzes
- Kaleigh Norkum-Mathieu
- Apr 9, 2018
- 3 min read
Ottawa Comic Con is only a month away and that means you get to meet Jason Momoa, enjoy awesome panels, go on a first date with Jason Momoa, buy really cool things, get married to Jason Momoa, cosplay as your favourite character, and explain to Jason Momoa’s children why you broke up their family.
The arrival of Ottawa Comic Con also means, for those who are not straight, white, and male, that throngs of men who think they are the King of Geeks will be quizzing you relentlessly to determine if you are a “fake geek.” Yes, for some reason these guys just can’t accept that people like what they like and now you need to suffer through their interrogations just so they can finally let you be in peace.
Never fear, I have come to help you navigate the various responses to these dudes and all of them involve some way of saying “fuck off.”
Encounter one: You are in line to meet the love of your life, Jason Momoa. The guy in front of you starts talking to you about his ugly Justice League back tattoos. He wants to see if you are a “fake geek girl” so while showing you a tattoo that is definitely infected he is also asking the most random questions, like “Who is the Hulk’s second cousin twice removed?” Instead of answering, ask him what Oliver’s blood type is in episode 2, season 4 of Arrow or any random question. Here are others you can use:
If the Flash can run faster than the speed of light and two trains leave the station at 3pm going to London then why is Superman a little bitch?
How many zombies are there approximately in the first five seasons of the Walking Dead?
If I were one of Daenerys’s dragons, which one would I be?
If the Amazon’s were to attack you right now, do you think you could mansplain yourself out of it?
Encounter two: You stop at one of the many vendors, you are looking for a particular comic series. As you look through the boxes one of the vendor’s employee’s comes to you asking if you need help. You tell him what you are looking for and then he responds with asking you questions about every single detail of the series. Just to make sure you actually like it. There are a few things you can do in this scenario, you can:
Take out a wad of cash, tell him that this is the amount you intended to spend at his store. Then take away half of the cash and tell him that every quiz question he gives you results in more money being taken away. Watch him squirm. Buy nothing.
Have stickers on hand that say “warning: Fake Geek Vendor” and place it on his boxes, his sign, anything and tell him that he didn’t quite pass YOUR test and you don’t believe he is sincerely interested in any of this.
Just stare at him. Don’t speak. If you can, try to look like that girl from the ring. Guaranteed he wouldn’t survive the first 10 minutes of the movie.
Special situation!: If the vendor comments on how people only like your favourite female character because of her cup size then say “oh ya, I only buy Hawkeye comics because his dicks is HUUUGGGGE.” You must say that like Donald Trump.
Encounter three: So you finally get to meet Jason Momoa and he is just a huge dick, not in the way Hawkeye is though. You are so disappointed, what will you do now?
Well that sucks….. Read the blog post on resistance and geekiness I guess.
Anyone who has been in these scenarios knows that it sucks when others can’t accept that people like what they like. It can dampen your Comic Con experience, it can prevent you from getting into fractions of popular culture that you were looking into, and it just feels bad. However, just by liking the things that you like you are making space for yourself and others like you. If these, for lack of a better term, trash babies aren’t happy that the thing they enjoy is being enjoyed by a more diverse audience then they can crawl back into the hole from whence they came. Enjoy Comic Con because that is what you deserve.
Comments