How to Set Body Boundaries with Friends

I recently went camping with two friends at Algonquin Park. If you have never been to Algonquin Park let me tell you that it is both beautiful and huge. When we first got there, it was like walking into a fairytale. We were surrounded by gigantic cedar trees, the fog rolled low to the ground almost covering the scurrying chipmunks at our feet. I felt like I could be called to be the next Disney princess, conditions were so perfect. Unfortunately, the rest of the trip was less than perfect. The trip was a dud for many reasons, I could do a whole series on how bad it was, but I am here to talk about one thing in particular that stood out in the trip: body boundaries. Specifically, how to set body boundaries with your friends.

Algonquin Park is home to 36 hiking trails, so that was 100% going to be on the schedule for this trip. We had gotten to our trail around 9am, it was a beautiful but chilly day. We were probably five minutes in when my friend Marissa mentions that she is going to walk ahead because she was cold. Walking ahead is one thing, but as the walk continued Marissa got so far ahead that I could no longer see her. My other friend Kelsey was determined to keep pace with her, in the end failing in the process. I was alone. My two straight-sized friends had left me behind.

"The hard truth is that your straight-sized friends have never had to consider life inside a plus size body so it is very likely they aren't thinking of your needs."

I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt in some way by that decision. My friends had not considered me in these actions. They did not consider that my fitness level was different than theirs. They did not consider that I needed more rest breaks than they did. It didn't even seem like they wanted my company since they were so determined to hike at a pace I could not match. All this being said, I was okay. I was okay because I was doing the work to honour my body boundaries. I was okay because I enjoy nature and I was excited to take in the beautiful scenery. I was okay because I am happy in my own company.

It takes a long time to establish body boundaries with yourself, let alone your friends. If you have also been hurt, if you are struggling with setting these boundaries with your friends, let these tips help you:

Listen to your body. When I needed to stop and rest after a vigorous uphill hiking session I did that. My body needed that and I listened to my body instead of pushing it. Only you know your body. If your body is telling you to rest, then rest. If it is telling you to go faster or slower, do that. At the end of the day it will be YOU dealing with the repercussions of your actions, so do what your body is telling you is best.
Communicate your needs. Marissa wanted to do two more hikes that day. By the third I was exhausted and my feet were hurting. I put my foot down and said that I would not be going on the third hike, that also made it easier for Kelsey to opt out because she was just as tired as I was. The hard truth is that your straight-sized friends have never had to consider life inside a plus size body so it is very likely they aren't thinking of your needs. You have to advocate for yourself. The more you do, the more it opens up their way of thinking.
Just say no. We told Marissa no to canoeing, albeit each for different reasons. My feet would descend into pins and needles after about 20 minutes of sitting in a canoe, the feeling was so bad at our previous camping trip last year that I almost couldn't get out of the canoe. For my safety, I did not want to risk that again and I knew that once we were on the water it would feel like I was ruining Marissa's time when I inevitably asked to return early. I did not feel like she would respect my boundaries out in the water so I said no. Kelsey had my back 100%, that support definitely made the "no" easier. If you are in a situation where you feel like your friends won't respect your boundaries, it is okay to say no to an activity. "No" is a hard word to say to friends, but you are worth it!
Make safe decisions. It rained the day/night before our hike. That made the trails really muddy and slippery. Marissa did not make a safe decision walking so far ahead of us, she could have gotten seriously hurt and we wouldn't be there to help. Or, one of us could have gotten hurt and she wouldn't be there for us. Due to the slippery trail Kelsey made the decision to slow down and I did too. Even though it put each of us more behind, trying to keep up with Marissa was not worth the danger to ourselves. In any form of physical activity, look out for your safety first. Be aware of your surroundings, make decisions based on what is best for you and not what your friends are doing.
Learn to enjoy your own company. I mentioned before that I felt hurt being left behind, and I was, but I also felt at peace with the situation. I was going the maximum speed that I could go that would actually let me enjoy the hike. I took in the scenery, I stopped to take pictures never worrying that I was holding up the group. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. After the hike, Kelsey would go on to tell me that she did not have a chance to take in a lot of the scenery because she was trying so hard to match Marissa's pace that she had to watch her footing. It was sad because the point of a hike is to appreciate your surroundings and my two friends had not been able to accomplish that in full. But I did. So my best advice is to learn to appreciate your own company because you are awesome. Enjoy the moment, if your friends can't learn to enjoy it with you then that is their problem.

Doing things my way, and respecting my body boundaries, helped bring about some of the only small happy moments of the trip. The sights in the park were beautiful. Despite not being able to keep up with the people I was with, I completed two hikes and I am pretty damn proud of myself. I have the pictures to prove it!

I hope I could help you feel more worthy and at peace with the body boundaries you choose to set with the people in your life. Your journey with movement is your own, don't ever let someone else convince you it is wrong just because it is not the way they are partaking in their journey. Now go set those boundaries, you got this!